Since it was my first time in Portland, I left the choice of the restaurant to my girlfriend from elementary school to choose. She picked a place that had interesting pork on pork nachos and a bunch of other unique food. Another elementary school girlfriend had conveniently recently moved to Portland and was able to join us. The three of us used to have slumber parties in my garage for my birthdays. What beautiful women they have grown up to be. There was also Jesse, a friend of a friend I met in Hawaii who lives in Seattle but just happened to be in Portland for work for the weekend. After dinner and karaoke, he insisted on showing me the difference between strip clubs in Portland and other cities. To his credit, when we walked in the girl was dressed like Lydia in the wedding scene from Beetlejuice and doing cirque du soleil moves on the pole to Harry Belafonte. Definitely different than the strip clubs I am used to from Nevada. Also present that night was Austin, the prettiest man on Oahu to get into trouble with on the weekend. Before he moved to Portland, we used to have some crazy Kaaawa adventures, caped booze cruise parties, and epic camping trips. Don't forget Ella, my favorite Friday night FaceTime wine drinking buddy. After dinner she took us to the divey Portland version of Wang Chungs complete with karaoke, an adorable Chinese owner, and funny t-shirts. Finishing up our group were Autumn and Tom, two members of my island ohana crazy enough to come on this train adventure with me. We got a long table and shared quite possible the weirdest and most unique nachos I have ever come across. The chips were fried pig skin topped with a proudly boasted velveeta cheese sauce, more pork, and sliced radishes. We ordered a plate to share and each person got one "nacho" to bravely try and review. They were oddly good. The fried pig skin was nothing like the disgusting pork rinds I grew up watching my mom eat by the bag. They kind of melted in your mouth like cotton candy and I have a thing for radishes so that was a bonus. This was the first of many restaurants we tried in Portland that had crazy pork dishes. Hence, Portland was dubbed, "Porkland" by Mr. Tom Tindale.
My favorite part of the evening was catching up with Jessica. She was one of my very bestest friends in elementary school, back when NKOTB was all the rage. I recently came across pictures from my 10th birthday and wondered about her. Such a treat to find her online and then get to spend this time with her in person shortly thereafter. After a few cocktails we decided to recreate the pictures from our youth and build a human pyramid right there in the restaurant. Check out the bottom of the blog for the comparison pics. The blonde on top I have known since the first grade. She has always been one of the most beautiful people I know inside and out. Hard to think us ladies are getting close to celebrating our 20 year high school reunion. There must be some sort of anti-aging magic in the water in Nevada.
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| Chicharones Nachos $10 - with crispy pork, red curry velveeta & a cilantro-radish salad |
Shananigans (4) – PRESENTATION: Are those f*&%ing pork rinds? Interesting.
I don't like pork rinds. Not sure
how I feel about using an animal product as a chip to eat something from the same
animal.
RAD: Radishes are my favorite and more people should put
them on nachos. Only other time I have
had radishes is at Robertos because they have a tub of them at their salsa
bar. Am I alone with this radish love? The pork on pork was actually amazing. The pork rind was nothing like the ones I
grew up eating with my mom. It was
crunchy yet it melted away in your mouth.
The velveeta cheese sauce was golden and gooey.
LAME: These nachos lack any kick or spice. Not sure that they really need them because
they work well together as is, but I love spice.
TOPPING TO CHIP RATIO: 4.9. Really creative, yummy, salty, cheese everywhere.
Cute place. Fun menu. Daniel was very attentive and helpful. This restaurant definitely contributed to Tom
and I nicknaming the city "Porkland."
Where do they get all these pigs that they eat in every damn restaurant
here?
Tango Tango (4) – PRESENTATION: What? It's unfamiliar. It's strange. It's Portland. And the chips really do look like pork rinds.
RAD: Pork rinds even when subjected to liquid cheese sauce,
retain both crunchiness and structural integrity.
LAME: Wish there were more ingredients or maybe spicier
ingredients.
TOPPING TO CHIP RATIO: 4. Pork on
pork! I'm in love. But this dish relies to much on the auxiliary
ingredients. Must increase quantity and
quality. I will make these at home to
seduce my future husband. Portland is
fucking excellent.
Jesse (5) – PRESENTATION: So strange….what?...radish and cilanto…an all pork
taco?
RAD: Meat on meat.
Animal garnished with the same animal.
LAME: Bucket
of cheese.
TOPPING TO CHIP RATIO: 5. Originality scores high.
Jessica (3) – PRESENTATION: Unique + PDX.
RAD: Pork on pork action.
LAME: Flavor not…quite…right.
TOPPING TO CHIP RATIO: 2, more meat!
Use real cheese please. Lovely
atmosphere.
Ella (2) – PRESENTATION: The anti-nacho.
Why is there a plate of chicarones with melted cheese?
RAD: The flavor explodes in your mouth!
LAME: I was ill-prepared for the actual "nacho
chip."
TOPPING TO CHIP RATIO: 3.5, artisan melted cheese, a meat product, and
radishes. The most Portland nacho.
Austin (3) – PRESENTATION: Looks like a meatless array of nachos. It lacks character and fortitude.
RAD: It was made of something other than nachos.
LAME: Child support.
TOPPING TO CHIP RATIO: 3. Somewhere conscious lays.
Nacho Granny (4, because
it's pork rinds) – PRESENTATION: Pork on porkchos.
RAD: The crunch factor!
LAME: Radishes…ick!
TOPPING TO CHIP RATIO: Cheese sauce covers most. Pork is tasty but need to use fork for a perfect
bite. The biscuits with honey are super
yummy here.
Squanto (5) –
PRESENTATION: Cheesy
porky goodness eagerly awaiting its new home in my belly. RAD: Pork rind chip and shredded pork on top?! What?! LAME: I only got one! TOPPING TO CHIP RATIO: 4,
perfect amount of pork and cheese resting evenly on the "chip." New favorite place. Company is the best.
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| 1990 vs. 2017 |
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